Dear Mr. Cleek,
I’m speaking out now because this is the first time in my life that I’ve been strong enough. I count myself lucky that it only took me 17 years to find my voice. Some survivors never find their voices.
Believe it or not, I don’t want to harm, let alone destroy anyone.
My first motivation in filing this police report was to protect children from the far-reaching devastation of sexual abuse. My goal is to stop you from creating more victims and to open the eyes of parents whose children are at risk of being harmed or have already been harmed.
I did this for the little girl who is currently your favorite. So she can have something I never got… validation that what is happening to her is not okay and assurance that there are grownups out there who will fight for her because she matters.
My second motivation was to give any adult survivors who may be suffering in silence an opportunity to find their voices and perhaps begin their healing knowing they are not alone.
Lest I sound more altruistic than I really am, there is also something I want for myself. No, it’s not money or attention (who would want attention for this?) and it’s definitely not revenge. More than anything, I want acknowledgement and vindication.
Judith Herman says this is what all survivors want.
“I daresay every survivor with whom I have ever worked, has wished above all for acknowledgment and vindication. Survivors want the truth to be recognized and the crime to be denounced by those in their communities who matter to them.”
I’m not interested in inflicting pain. I don’t believe that justice is about making evildoers suffer for the wrongs they’ve committed.
I believe justice is about repairing the damage, setting things in order and making things right. This kind of justice undoubtedly involves suffering but it is the soul-purifying suffering of working diligently to undo the evil you’ve perpetrated.
Experts say pedophiles can’t be cured. Perhaps that’s because most of them are cowards. I believe that any pedophile who told the truth without minimization, willingly bore his shame, honestly looked at the devastation he’s caused, and wrestled with what it would take to heal the massive wounds, would be transformed. Perhaps no pedophile has ever done this. It would be hell and it would save them.
If you are unwilling to do this work of justice, then setting things in order and undoing the evil is going to involve restraining you, the evildoer. I see jail, not primarily as a punishment, but as a way of ensuring you will never harm another child again. I honestly wouldn’t care if you were restrained in a luxury resort in the Bahamas with other sex offenders. I’m not interested in causing pain for the sake of pain. I’m interested in stopping the sexual abuse of children and sending a message to victims that their wounds matter. They matter.
It’s not too late for you to help me do this. The greatest gift you could give your victims is this: A full confession of every crime and sexual violation you’ve ever committed with the names of each of your victims. A complete list of every person you have ever violated. Even if they are no longer living. In writing. Without excuses. Without minimization. I’m asking you to consider this. It would change everything.
Isn’t there a part of you that wants to be free? Aren’t you exhausted from the deception? This is your chance to begin your real life. This is your opportunity to let go of the lies and start building something lasting on a foundation of truth.
Isn’t it amazing that what’s best for all of us is also what’s best for you?
Please think about this carefully. It’s never too late to do the right thing. The respect you get for doing the right thing is real. The respect you get for lying isn’t.
Sincerely,
RV1
© 2024 CLCS Advocates | All Rights Reserved
